Lord of the Rings, Gone Wrong
by tad
Summary: Entertaing piece. Lord of the Rings ,gone wrong. The Fellowship travel to get ride of the chocolate ring, that can only be distroyed by being thrown in mount Throw-The-Ring-Here.
1. Default Chapter

Lord of the Rings Gone Wrong Mines of Moria  
  
" You shall not pass!" Gandalf yelled. While Gandalf is holding back the evil shadow, the rest of the fellowship ran across the bridge. Gandalf slammed down his sword on the bridge in attempt to break it, but it did not break. The shadow moved closer and closer. Gandalf slammed down his sword again but the bridge still would not break. Gandalf through his sword away and cursed at the shadow, then he reached into his magic pocket and pulled out a chain saw. He tried to cut the bridge but it still would not break. Meanwhile, the rest of the fellowship stood still staring and wondering what shop sold magic pockets. And still the evil shadow moved closer. Gandalf gave up on the chain saw and reached into his magic pocket once again. Slowly he pulled out a jackhammer and started using it to break the bridge. Finally the bridge broke and the shadow fell into the darkness of moria. Gandalf turned to run but the shadow grabbed him around the ankle with a fiery whip, But Gandalf was prepared, he then through the jackhammer at the shadows head.  
  
Frodo, who had gotten bored and hungry waiting for gandalf, finished eating a banana which he had conveniently placed in his pocket and tossed the skin onto the bridge, where Gandalf was walking back to meet them. Feeling very proud of himself, Gandalf held his head high and smiled. Not realising the banana skin Frodo had tossed. Gandalf slipped on the banana skin and fell of balance. He was right on the edge of the bridge, waving his arms around in circles trying to get his balance back. But that was no use, Gandalf fell into the fiery pit and yelled back up to the fellowship as he fell. "PUT YOU RUBBISH IN THE DAM BIN YOU FOOLS!"  
  
The fellowship, glad to be rid of the nagging old fart, ran as fast as they could, leaping with joy. Strider however wasn't as joyful as the rest of the fellowship, he was in in tears. Sad, tears coming to his eyes. He never had a chance to ask Gandalf where he had brought his magic pocket from. "We better go before Gandalf comes back and turns us all in to holey left socks." Legolas said as he ran fast in the direction of Mordor, tripping on a randomly placed rock and scratching his knee. "ooooooo" Legolas sobbed as he cradled his knee, which had a scratch no bigger than one you would get from a small tree branch. The fellowship huddled around Legolas. Worried for his survival. The scratch looked bad. A whole drop of blood had squeezed out of the scratch, which was no deeper that the 2nd layer of skin. "Legolas, it doesn't look good." Frodo whispered as he looked away, fearing for his friend. "It doesn't?" Legolas asked. "No, here take a look for yourself" Frodo said as he handed Legolas a mirror. "Geez Frodo, how long has my hair been like this?" Legolas asked. "To long. And it could be fatal. Here" Frodo answered as he handed Legolas a hairbrush.  
  
Will Legolas survive his bad hair day and scratch? Will Gandalf come back? Will Frodo ever learn to put his rubbish in the bin?  
  
Find out next time on Lord of the Rings gone wrong. 


	2. Lord of the Rings, Gone wrong 2

Lord of the rings gone wrong. #2  
  
"Thanks Frodo" Legolas smiled as he handed back the hairbrush. "You saved me, I could have ended up a fashion victim or worse, I could have ended up looking like you." Frodo took a step back and turned away from Legolas. He might have been shorter than the rest of them but he wasn't a fashion victim. He was the one who carried the chocolate ring. It was him; nobody else had the strength or will power to hold back from it. Nobody could overcome the urges of eating the chocolate ring, except for frodo.  
  
"We better go" Strider said as he started off down the rocky path. They walked for what seemed like hours.  
  
"Oh man I gotta rest" Frodo said as he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.  
  
"What do you mean? It's only been 5 minutes" Strider answered in an angry voice. "Come on!"  
  
"Listen up you! I may be small but I have the ring of chocolate. I will eat it and doom us all. That is if we don't rest." Frodo smiled and sat down.  
  
"Stupid fat hobbit" Strider mumbled.  
  
30 minutes later they were back on track. They walked for ages. This time not stopping at the 5-minute mark. "Oh, I have an idea!" Legolas said suddenly in a cheerful voice." Why don't we all sing a song?"  
  
"All right then" Strider started to sing. "Opps I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the..."  
  
"NO! Mate no, Not Brittany spears! How about the spice girls?" Frodo suggested.  
  
"Sounds good to me, Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody with the human touch..."  
  
They all stopped singing suddenly. They saw something up ahead. "What is it?" Frodo asked Legolas "use your elfish eyes and look"  
  
Legolas pulled out some binoculars and took a look. "It seems to be two girls. They are walking towards us."  
  
"Hello! How are you? You haven't seen any orcs lately have you?" The girls asked the fellowship.  
  
"Who are you and what business do you have seeking orcs?" Strider asked.  
  
"Oh , sorry, Im Tad and this is Liz. We are traveller's from outside space and are on an intergalactic mission to find orc number 264 and 203. Can you help us?"  
  
Will Tad and Liz find the orcs they seek?  
  
Will frodo learn to put his rubbish in the bin?  
  
And will Strider ever get caught calling frodo a stupid fat hobbit?  
  
Find out next time on lord of the rings gone wrong. 


	3. Lord of the Rings, Gone wrong 3

Lord of the rings gone wrong. #3  
  
"Orcs are not for you to seek. They will seek you." Said Strider. "Excuse me but we will seek orcs if we want to!" Liz answered quickly. This started up a big fight between the fellowship and Liz. Meanwhile, Tad moved away slowly from the fight and sidestepped her way towards Frodo who had seated himself down on a near by rock. "Hello..." Tad smiled as she sat on the rock next to him. "Nice ring" She pointed to it. "Did you drop it in orc poo or something? It's all brown..." Frodo looked up at her with a dull expression. "No, it's chocolate." "Really?" Tad said as she reached for the ring. Frodo was quick to stop her. "You must not touch the ring!" Frodo spoke in a strong voice. "It holds the fate of middle earth. It can only be destroyed in the raging fires of mount throw-the-ring-here. If anyone or anything destroys it other than that, then the world becomes doomed and we all eat brussel sprouts for the rest of eternity. And that is a fate nobody wants, except of course the evil people who we are trying to avoid. I would tell you the name but I can not speak it here, For this holder of great evil is the one who gave me this scar." Frodo lifted his curly brown locks off his forehead, to reveal a scar shaped in a very mysterious way. It was shaped as a smiley face, the smiley face had a tongue pocking out and was winking. Tad was shocked. "Wow!" She almost yelled. "Harry Potter had a lightening shaped scar on his forehead too! You two ain't related anyhow are you?" She asked. "Uhh? Harry Potter?" Frodo asked. "Yea, You know? Wizard, Hogwarts, Broomsticks?" She reminded. "Oh yea, Yea I remember. He came to my cousin's birthday party. He is Gandalf's, brothers, student at Hogwarts." They sat there watching the fellowship and Liz yell at each other. Finally all was silent. Liz had tired Strider out of all the comebacks he could think of, therefore Liz had won. "We better go if we want to find orc number 264 and 203." Liz told Tad.  
  
Liz and Tad walked off down a small rocky path, they got smaller and smaller until finally they disappeared into the distance. The fellowship turned and walked the opposite way. They walked for a few kilometres and then stopped to camp out for the night.  
  
Frodo and Strider pitched a tent that they had stolen from Liz. Gimli lite a fire and pulled out the marsh-mellows he had stashed away in his beard. They all sat around the fire roasting marsh-mellows and talking about their shoe sizes. They finally came to the agreement that Strider had the biggest feet, and Frodo had the hairiest. They had nothing more to talk about so they all sat in silence. Which was a first. Suddenly Gimli pricked up his ears. "I hear something." He said in a low grumble."Legolas, use your elfish ears and have a listen."  
  
Legolas pulled out a small water glass and put his ear to one end and the other to the ground. His face was scrunched up in the effort of concentrating. "I can't hear anything... Wait...There is a low rumbling sound, About three meters that way" He pointed west. "Sounds like its coming from behind that tree."  
  
"Where is Strider?" Frodo asked in a shaky voice.  
  
They all looked around. They walked closer to the tree to see what was making the low rumbling noise that Legolas heard. They all could hear it now. It was now a low rumbling, squeaking and splerting noise. They edged up to the tree and slowly walked around it.  
  
"AHHH!" Frodo screamed. And he turned and ran. The rest of them stood still, terrified and then turned to follow Frodo. What they saw was horrible, terrifying and scary. What they saw was...  
  
What did the fellowship find behind the tree? Will we ever find out the secrets of Gimli"s beard? Will Liz come back and get her tent?  
  
Find out next time on lord of the rings gone wrong.  
  
............................................................................ ............................................................................ ....... Sorry if this is totally random. We all need a bit of random, just smile and pretend you are enjoying the story. Warning: This is just the start of random writings. From Tad ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ....... 


	4. Lord of the Rings, Gone wrong 4

Lord of the rings gone wrong #4  
  
What they saw was Strider squatting behind the tree but that wasn't what terrified them. It was what he was doing behind the tree that made them run. The splerting, squeaking, rumbling noise was explained. The explanation was simple but horrible. The explanation was Strider pooing behind the tree. The noise he that he created was bad, but the smell was worse. Rotting eggs would have smelt better. Strider was shocked, he hadn't intended on his friends seeing him like this. He wiped his forehead. It was very hard work. He knew he shouldn't have eaten that sue-shi for lunch. He looked around for a leaf or something to wipe his butt with. But was interrupted. "What's this, a ranger caught off his guard?" Strider sat still, he felt something sharp pocking into his back. "Ohh my god! I'm truly sorry. I didn't realise..." Strider turned around to face the person talking to him and moved the tree branch that pocked him in the back. It was Arwen, his crush. "Shit! Dam it! Don't look!" He yelled as his cheeks grew bright red. Arwen quickly turned and walked to the other side of the tree, where she saw Boromir huddled in the tent, with his hands over his ears and shaking back and forth. "I can't find anything to wipe with?" She heard Strider call from behind the tree. She looked around for something and spotted a light grey cloak, lying beside the tent entrance. She picked it up and threw it in Striders direction. "I can't reach it." He yelled back as he stretched out his arm to reach for it. But whilst doing this he lost balance and feel on to his side, with his pants around his ankles and his un-wiped bare bum, showing for the whole world to see. Arwen screamed and ran to her horse, then galloped off. Strider lay on the ground for a few minutes, taking in what had just happened. He heard voices coming towards him. It sounded like a female. More than one female. He got up and wiped his bum but before he could pull up his pants the shrubs around him shivered and two figures stepped out.  
  
"Uh, oh, geez!" Liz yelled as she stepped out from the shrub. She and Tad had changed directions and turned back to come get the tent that had gone missing. Tad seeing this site fainted on the spot and Liz ran to the other side of the tree. She saw her tent and in the rush to just get out and away from this awkward situation, she ran and jumped on her tent. "Ooow!" She heard a voice moan as she landed hard on the tent. She ignored it and started to bundle the tent to pack it away. She stopped suddenly when she found a body under the tent. It was Boromir. He lay limp and not moving on the ground.  
  
Meanwhile, Strider had pulled up his pants and ran away, trying to find his friends and tell them that Liz and Tad were back.  
  
Liz slapped Boromir's cheeks but there was no response. She felt for a pulse but there was none. She stood up and quickly finished packing away her tent. Tad had woken to a horrible stink and quickly found Liz on the other side of the tree, standing beside Boromir's body. "Hello Boromir" Tad smiled as she helped Liz but the tent into her pack. Liz had propped Boromir's body up against the tree as if he was sitting. "Uh... he is sleeping." Liz lied as she pulled Tad away. "Hey look!" Tad said as she picked up Legolas's bow. She set an arrow and pulled back on the string. "Hurry!" Liz yelled at her friend, in a rush to get away. Tad, who got a fright from the yell, let go off the string and arrow, letting it flies hard through the air and into Boromir's already dead chest. "Tad! Oh no, look you killed him!" Liz lied as she pulled her friend away and went back to their mission.  
  
"So where are they?" Frodo asked Strider as they walked back into the camping area. Strider looked around and said. "They must have left. Look they took the tent." "Where is Boromir?" Frodo asked. He lent up against the tree. "Look at this, there are blood splatters on the ground." He turned and looked at the tree. "And on the tree!" Legolas picked up his bow. "Still warm" He commented. He then sniffed the string. "Smells like orc" He lied. He didn't want the others to know about his plastic surgery and how he can't smell things because of it. "Orc?" Strider repeated.  
  
Will Tad ever find out about the true death of Boromir? Will the fellowship ever find out about Legolas's plastic nose? Will Arwen ever be able to look strider in the eye again?  
  
Find out next time on lord of the rings gone wrong. 


	5. Lord of the Rings, Gone wrong 5

Lord of the Rings, gone wrong #5  
  
"Boromir!" They all shouted, hoping for a reply. The fellowship spread out around the campsite and looked under shrubs and small rocks. Frodo walked around the tree, as he did so he smelt the horrible smell of Striders earlier excretions. He stopped suddenly. "I found him!" Frodo called out. He took a step back from what he saw. The rest of the fellowship ran towards Frodo, pinching their noses as the came closer to him. "Strider how could you?" Frodo asked in a sad voice. "How could I what, Frodo?" Strider replied. "Strider don't play silly buggers! Give me an explanation. Now!" Frodo yelled with annoyance "Ok, ok" Strider started. "I had an affair with your wife, I'm sorry. She said she loved me! I believed her..." Strider bowed his head in shame. "You what? I don't mean that. I don't have a wife. Strider what are you talking about?" Frodo answered with a confused look on his face. "I'm meaning the current situation. Look!" Frodo pointed to Boromir's body, which was propped up against the tree, in the hole which Strider had dug earlier to do his business in. "You ate Boromir!" He accused. "I didn't eat Boromir!" Strider shouted back in defence. "Then explain why you were making so much noise whilst you were pooing and explain why Boromir's body just happens to be in the hole where you excreted. Explain to me why it smells so bad and explain one more thing to me Strider, explain to me how Pythagoras came up with the theory that A squared + B squared = C squared. Go on Strider, humour me!" Frodo yelled. "Hey Strider, explain something to me too. Why did you eat my arrow?" Legolas pointed to the arrow, which stuck out of Boromir's chest. "I can't explain it?" Strider sobbed. "Take my word, it wasn't me. Cross my heart and hope to die, pock a needle in my eye, what's the time? Ten to nine, hang your knickers on the line, when there dry, bring them in, put them in the biscuit tin, eat a biscuit, eat a cake, eat you knickers by mistake." Strider sniffed. "Talk to the hand, coz the face ain't home, leave a message after the tone. Beep, beep." Frodo replied as he held his hand up to Striders face. "Listen to me Frodo. I would never eat Boromir. He is too hairy; I would probably have coughed up fur balls if I had eaten him. Have I coughed up any fur balls Frodo?" No, you haven't. OK Strider I believe you. But then what did ate Boromir?" Frodo asked. "Orc's" Legolas said simply. "We better get going" Merry, Pippin and Sam all said together. They were getting tired of following these fools around. Strider and Frodo dug the poo hole a bit deeper and tossed Boromir's body into it, Strider then grabbed Gimli and tried to toss him in as well, but Gimli grabbed onto Frodo and the toss was incomplete. "Nobody tosses a dwarf!" Gimli shouted at Strider.  
  
The fellowship started off again. They walked and walked. Suddenly out of nowhere a small creature came up to them. "You must not go, you must not go!" The creature shouted at them. It walked up to Frodo and signalled for him to come closer. Frodo leaned over so that the creature could talk into his ear. "Frodo Baggins must not go to Hogwarts." It whispered. "It is not safe, Frodo must stay." "Hogwarts?" Frodo questioned. "What's that?" Legolas asked as he looked around. He could hear a loud humming. It sounded like the noise was getting closer and as it did so, a rattling sound added to the humming. They could all see what it was now. It was a machine they had never seen before. A motor cycle, but not any motor cycle. This one was flying...  
  
Will the real cause of Boromir's death ever be straightened out? Who and what is this new creature? Who ate whose knickers by mistake?  
  
Find out next time on Lord of the Rings, gone wrong. 


End file.
